


Love Comes So Slow

by NarryEm



Series: Love Comes So Slow [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Pining, zouis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-13 11:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1224763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/NarryEm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>You see him when you close your eyes</i><br/><i>Maybe one day you'll understand why</i><br/><i>Everything you touch surely dies</i> </p><p>Louis has tasted perfection but instead of keeping it, it had let it go.</p><p>Or the one where Louis meets Zayn by sheer chance and by fate, has no choice but to see him leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Comes So Slow

**Author's Note:**

> title and summary from "Let Her Go" by The Passenger.
> 
> I think I wrote this after reading _The Fault In Our Stars_ , after all the crying of course. I don't know much about cancer and any medical incorrectness is my and Wikipedia's fault.

Louis first sees him on the tube.

He hates having a job that requires for him to take the transit every day around the rush time but hey, he _is_ a university student in desperate need of money so he has no choice but to suck it up. The only upside of this is that he gets actual experience by working part-time at the hospital and he has to remind himself that enough times throughout the day so that he won't to quit it on an impulse.

He has just managed to jump in as the train was leaving and he feels proud of himself for that. In hindsight, he wouldn't have had to race down the escalators and wade through the sea of people if he hadn't stopped by Starbucks to get his iced chai latte with cinnamon but a man has his needs. He is about to enjoy a refreshing sip from his stupidly overpriced coffee when he spots _him_.

The bloke definitely as a brooding vibe that permeates the small car. His dark hair is fluffed up about his head in an immaculate hairdo and there is a light stubble dusting the sides of his face. He has a headset on so he probably can't hear the audible gasp that Louis lets out. If someone had to draw perfection, it would turn out something like the mystery fittie.

Louis can't quite get rid of this guy's face from his mind as the day drags on. He finds himself daydreaming about the nameless face more than once during his shift. It's a evening shift as per usual and he is glad that he doesn't have any morning classes this semester. Last year, he had had to work at evenings _and_ still go to a nine a.m. three times a week. As someone who normally didn't wake up before noon, it had been the toughest few months of Louis' life.

At night, when he is returning to his dorm, he can't help but wish that he'll see that bloke again.

(Sadly, he doesn't.  Not the very next day, at least.)

 

 

-

 

 

Next time he sees the guy, it's at the hospital in the dead of night. He is chatting with the receptionist and the receptionist has a wide smile plastered on her face. Louis is on his break so he decides to go investigate (and hopefully end up with the guy's mobile number).

"Hello," he says. The guys turns to face him and Louis wants to pounce on him. His stubble is pretty much a beard now and Louis really wants to rub his cheek against to find out if it's scratchy or soft or both. "I'm Louis, I work here part-time."

"Zayn," he replies, holding out his hand. His hand is large and engulfs Louis' easily. "Just visiting."

Louis catches a look from the receptionist but pays it no mind. Getting the name is the first step; number and address will come easily if he plays his cards right.

"Hiya Zayn. I'm actually on a break so would you mind keeping me company?"

"No problem. Just gotta finish talking to Jen about this thing, yeah?"

"Alright. You know where the canteen is?" Zayn nods. "I'll meet you there."

Once he leaves, there's a pit in his stomach that fears that Zayn won't show up. Thankfully, Zayn does show up after a couple minutes.

"Coffee? Unless you want to do the rest of your shift drunk," Zayn winks and Louis feels himself blush.

"Didn't know that they sold alcohol here," he says in the most nonchalant tone he can muster.

"They don't, but." Zayn gestures at the breast pocket of his leather jacket. Louis can make out the shape of a flask. "Coffee so you won't sleep through your shift then?"

"Sounds heavenly."

Louis orders a chai latte with a double shot of extra espresso whilst Zayn only orders an Italian soda. They talk for a while and Louis is amazed at how easy it is to talk to Zayn. In fact, he doesn't notice how much time has passed until his supervisor comes to yell at him.

"Sorry, mate. Duty calls," he says, loathe to go. He really enjoyed talking to Zayn.

"No worries. Hey, maybe we can hang out some time. Here's my mobile number," Zayn says, handing him a piece of napkin.

"I'll hold you to that."

 

 

-

 

 

Louis does, in fact, see Zayn after that. They meet up at the local zoo upon Zayn's insistence.

"I used to come here with my mum all the time when I was younger," Zayn says, poking blades of grass through the cage bars. The zebra eyes it curiously before it snatches the grass away and eats it. "Always been an animal person and now I have a pup named Hatchi."

"I'm an animal person myself," Louis offers, petting at the zebra's muzzle. "Never could stand the smell at zoos though. I preferred to go have a tussle about in my neighbourhood."

A dark look passes in Zayn's eyes. "To each and their own. Wanna go to the aquarium?"

The aquarium is indoors and it's lovely with the dimly lit tanks and the sharks swimming over their heads. Louis wants to comment on this when a pair of lips crashes onto his.  It catches him by surprise, the kiss. So he hasn't the time to kiss Zayn back before he draws back.

"Sorry. Been wanting to do that for a while. Fuck, does this count as a first date? I thought it was too childish--"

Louis cuts him off with a kiss of his own. When they kiss, it's like, there's an off switch in Louis' brain and he can't think straight (which is rare). Louis can feel himself get lost in the beautiful being that is Zayn.

 

The date is then extended to a dinner at Zayn's place. It's a cosy little apartment and the moment they walk inside, they are greeted by an over-energetic Pomeranian that jumps around their feet. Zayn crouches down to kiss the pup's nose and introduces Louis to Hatchi. The tiny dog takes an immediate liking to him as he licks Louis all over his face.

"Sorry my place is a bit of a mess," Zayn says. "Wasn't expecting any company."

The floor is littered with some clothes and empty takeaway boxes, not unlike Louis' own dorm. "It's alright. My room looks exactly the same and my roommie would have hated me if he wasn't the same way."

Zayn laughs. "That's a relief. I couldn't bear the thought of living with someone who'd try to clean up after me. Like, I can find my stuff better in a mess, yeah?"

"I agree with you on that one. So what are ya making?"

"Ehm, butter chicken. That's one of the only things I can make without burning down the entire building. That okay with you?"

"Yeah totally. As long as I don't have to cook, I can eat almost anything."

Zayn turns out to be a none too shabby chef. The chicken has the right amount of spicy in it to keep it from being blah. Whilst he tries not to eat too much all at once he talks to Zayn and finds our more about him. He learns that Zayn is nineteen and dropped out of college after the first year. He says that he is too free-spirited to confine himself to some educational system when he can travel wherever he pleases and learn whatever he can. He apparently draws a bit and with a barely noticeably blush, he admits that he uses one of the rooms as an art studio. He has got two younger sisters and an older one. Louis shares about himself as well, how he grew up with four younger sisters and that he's had to suffer through being their Barbie doll as they put on ridiculous amounts of makeup on him. ("Reckon you'd look fit with a red lipstick on," Zayn jokes.)

"Studying to be a doctor, huh?" Zayn asks, and Louis can hear something underlying in his tone.

"Yeah. Child oncologist is what I'm aiming for."

"Save lives and all, that sounds brilliant."

Louis can take a hint. So he changes the subject to football and is proud of himself for the smile that he sees on Zayn's face.

It's nearly midnight when Louis looks at his mobile and it feels like that only minutes have passed since he and Zayn started to talk.

"Whoa, would you look at the time," Zayn says, sounding surprised as well.

"Yeah. Good thing today is a Saturday then."

"Agreed. We should do this again."

"For sure."

Louis goes for a hug but Zayn has something else on his mind. He kisses Louis smack on the lips and Louis gladly returns it. Zayn's lips are soft and rough at the same time. There is a lingering taste of the curry and Louis wants to kiss Zayn until he can only taste Zayn and maybe a bit of himself.

 

Just as they are really getting into it, Zayn pushes him away. "You should go," Zayn says abruptly. "Ehm, before I'm tempted to keep you here forever."

"I wouldn't mind," Louis tries for coy.

"I might, morals and all. Goodnight Louis."

Louis barely has a chance to say it back before the door closes on his face.

That night, he goes to sleep thinking about all the kisses that he and Zayn shared.

 

 

-

 

 

Months go by and Louis has started to notice all the little things about Zayn.

Every once in a while, Zayn goes through this phase where he rarely calls or texts Louis. And when he does see Zayn, he swears that the already-skinny lad has lost another ten pounds. Zayn chalks it up to fast metabolism but Louis suspects that there is something else going on.

"He could be anorexic?" Niall, his roommate, contemplates. "Most people with eating disorder won't admit that they have a problem until they are confront with it directly."

"You would know how?" Louis asks.

"I'm minoring in behavioural psychology. Of course I would know my shit!" Niall waves his pint around for emphasis.

Harry laughs and gently tugs at Niall's beer. "Let's not spill the beer down his shirt, yeah? I got the shirt for his birthday and it's dry clean only."

"Fine," Niall relents. He kisses Harry quickly on the lips and when they pull apart, they share a disgustingly fond look between the two of them. Louis actually pretends to gag into his bottle of beer.

"Oi, just because Zayn couldn't come out tonight doesn't mean that you're allowed to be rude," Niall comments, playfully biting at Harry's neck.

"Pardon me for objecting to such lewd public displays of affection, sir, I was only expressing my opinion as I have got the right to," Louis shoots back.

"You're awful pissy when you're boyfriend isn't around," Niall pouts. "Don't see what he sees in ya."

"Love, Louis' quite charming when he wants to be, remember?" Harry reminds him.

Niall smiles. His hands find Harry's and entwine together. "Yeah I do."

"You're welcome," Louis snorts.

He and Harry have been friends growing up and he had been the one to set up a date for Niall and Harry. Granted, the first date hadn't gone well. Harry had sort of developed a crush on Niall through the stories Louis told and he had been an utter clumsy fool throughout the date. The date ended when Harry somehow managed to spill his frozen yoghurt down Niall's shirt and Niall had no choice but to take it off and subsequently be ushered out of the store. Thankfully, Louis salvaged the situation by explaining to Niall in great detail how much of a fumbling idiot Harry could be around the people he fancied. Their second date went swimmingly, a romantic picnic by the Thames and voila, love happened.

"But seriously," Niall persists. "Ask him if he does have it. It is a condition that can go by unnoticed and if you're not careful, he could end up in the A&E."

 

 

-

 

 

For some bizarre reason, Louis decides to heed Niall's advice. So he goes to Zayn's flat unannounced and knocks on the door.

"Hey Zayn? Sorry for coming without a text but I really missed you."

There's no answer but the door is open when he twists the doorknob. So he opens it and enters Zayn's flat. It's not breaking and entering if the door is already open, can it?

He can't hear a thing so he figures that Zayn must be sleeping.

Until he hears a rustle in the direction of the kitchen.

"Um hi?" a tall bloke with yummy arms says. "Why are you here?"

"I'm Louis," he says. "Zayn's boyfriend?"

"Oh shit," the brunet says. "Erm, I'm Liam, his, ah friend. Zayn's not available right now."

"I figured." Louis says. He eyes appraise the space around Liam and his eyes land on a bunch of papers. Before Liam can react, he snatches them up and starts to read them.

"No, those are confidential," Liam says, trying to take them away.

Louis keeps twisting out of Liam's way until he is halfway down the page. Then he catches a phrase that he never wanted to.

He drops the papers and head home immediately.

 

 

-

 

 

Synovial sarcoma. Louis vaguely remembers one of his profs mentioning it in one of the lectures last semester. It occurs in a person's joints but it can spread to the lungs or the lymph node quite easily. It's quite rare and fairly treatable.

Problem is, Zayn has had this going on for more that a few months according to the documents. He was first admitted to the hospital when he was eight and has been fighting this faceless demon ever since. He has had two relapses and this is the third time. Louis studies medicine and he knows that in certain types of cancer, each relapse can be even worse than the last one.

He just hopes that this isn't one of them.

 

 

-

 

 

"I'm sorry," is the first thing that Zayn says when he rings Louis up.

"What for?" Louis asks, playing dumb.

"Liam told me that you saw the documents. I should have told you when we first me. I--fuck, can we do this in person? Come to mine?"

"I'll be there in ten."

He actually takes thirteen minutes thanks to the traffic. Zayn is pacing in the living room area when Louis walks in (after knocking first and hearing the 'come in', of course).

"Lou," Zayn sighs, striding up to Louis. His arms come up like he wants to hug Louis but he changes his mind last minute and lets them drop to his sides.

"I'm so sorry. Usually, I wouldn't have gone on like this, date people without telling them that I've got cancer. But when I tell them, they start to look at me like I'm a time bomb that will go off any minute. You've no idea what it's like to be treated like a glass doll. I'm still a normal lad, y'know? I like to to clubbing and do stupid things that we're supposed to learn from. It's that you're the first bloke that I've really fancied in a while and I didn't wanna fuck it up by being Zayn the Cancer Patient. Guess I fucked it up anyhow, huh?"

"First of all," Louis says. "I would _never_ treat you like a glass doll. You're still you, even if you happen to have a nasty tumour somewhere inside you. And I understand why you didn't tell me everything but it still hurts. I understand though, why you felt the need to keep a secret from me."

Zayn's expression brightens. "Does this mean that you'll forgive me?"

"Depends. Does this apology comes with a fancy dinner out?"

"If that's what it takes."

 

They do go out for dinner in the end and it's the kind of restaurant where the maitre d' frowns down upon you if you're not wearing a suit jacket. They dine and wine nonetheless and Louis makes sure to order one of the cheapest dishes on the menu. Afterwards, they go for dessert at a gelato place and feed each other.

And if the night ends with them tangled in Zayn's sheets, Louis has no regrets.

 

 

-

 

 

Louis notices it.

Zayn has started to look peaky all the time and he rarely eats when Louis comes over. Even when Louis coaxes him with the flyers from the new Arabic restaurant, Zayn declines with a feeble excuse of ' _I'm not feeling so well, Lou'._ And it's true. If death were half as beautiful as Zayn, Zayn would be death.

By the time summer comes around, Louis has forgotten what Zayn looks like with a smile on his face. It's like, the light that has been shining so brightly inside of Zayn is burning low.

"For fuck's sakes!" Niall exclaims. Half the pub turns around to look at Niall and then in a heartbeat, goes back to minding their own business. "Jus' ask 'im what's wrong. 'M sick of ye sulking and brooding. The Tommo I know would have found a headers solution by now. Communication is a key to a successful relationship, y'know."

"Shut up, you leprechaun." And he knows that he deserved that (and the crumpled napkin that Niall throws at him).

"Niall has a point," Harry says. "You need to find out what's wrong and the only way to do that is by talking to him."

"But he's not answering my calls," Louis pouts, staring into his mug and wondering if it is possible to drown his sorrows and himself in the amber liquid.

"Try his mate then. Liam, innit?" Harry suggests.

Louis swears that a lightbulb goes off on the top of his head. "You're a right genius. I knew there's a reason why I kept you around."

Harry pretends to be hurt but a laughing Niall starts to kiss down his neck.

Yeah, Louis needs to get out now.

 

 

-

 

 

Liam is just as evasive as Zayn. But after a few guilt-trips and other kinds of emotional manipulation, Louis manages to find out what's wrong.

"He does this to a lot of people," Liam says, looking apologetic. "It's like he can't allow himself to be loved. So when he feels like he is so close to falling for someone, he shuts down his feelings. He stops seeing them and he pretty much disappears from your life. But this time, it's hurting him massiviely. Not just the physical pain from the massive amounts of meds he is on, but on the emotional level as well. I think he's fallen for you already and he doesn't want to admit it."

"He loves me?" Louis repeats, gobsmacked. If anyone was in love, he thought it was him. It might have been something as cheesy as love at first sight because Zayn is really beautiful. And once you get to know him, it's impossible not to love him.

"Yeah, I reckon. Now go and knock some sense into him." Liam hands him a key. "It's the spare key to his flat," he explains.

"Thanks!" Louis says, kissing him on the cheek. "I owe you big time."

 

 

When Louis barges into Zayn's flat he is greeted by the sight of Zayn lounging on the sofa. He has his mobile clutched in his hand and he looks quite pensive.

"Hey," he says.

"The fuck?" Zayn says as a way of greeting him. "How the hell did you get in?" Then he answers his own question. "Liam gave you the key, didn't he? That little bastard."

"Whoa, whoa," Louis tries to calm Zayn down. "First off, I guilt-tripped him into telling me some things so I'm the only one to blame. And the only bastard here is you, always keeping secrets. I don't care if you've got cancer or a third eye or whatever, Zayn. I _love you_ and nothing can change that."

Zayn laughs. "You say that now but a few weeks from now when I'm all skin and bones with barely any sign of life left in me, you'll leave without a second glance back. That's what always happens."

"Bullshit. What I feel for you comes from here," Louis takes Zayn's hand and puts it on his heart. "And not here," he points to his eyes.

"Delude yourself all you want, Louis, but the truth is, I might die. I might not die. It all depends on how well my body takes the treatment and right now, it ain't looking good. You're a med student, you should know when things are staring to look deathly. Bet you've dissected a corpse or two. Tell me, is there any difference between them and me?"

To be honest, Zayn is so skinny and poorly that he could pass for a dying person. But Louis won't let Zayn think that. "Lots. They wouldn't be rude to me for one. And you are breathing and there's warm blood in your system. Positive thinking does impact the outcome a lot. If you keep thinking that nothing good will come out of this, it won't."

"Like I said, keep deluding yourself. I'm not gonna fight to keep you. I'm letting you go, 'kay? I don't _want_ you anymore."

"You're lying," Louis grits out.

"Try me."

His eyes are so cold, is the thing. There isn't a trace of warmth left in the burnt caramel hued eyes and Louis has to admit, this is quite the resolve that Zayn's got.

"Fine, I'm leaving. But only because you asked so nicely."

 

That night, Louis goes to bed after crying his eyes out.

 

 

-

 

 

He is in the back of Harry's car. Harry, Niall and himself are going on a little shopping trip because apparently, Louis' clothes are too outdated and an atrocity for the incoming autumn season.

The radio is on full blast and Harry and Niall are singing along to the latest Katy Perry song. They make a good couple, he admits fondly. Granted, yelling in the guise of singing isn't their forte but they complete each other is a way.

" _The next song_ ," the radio host announces, " _is a new song from The Passenger, 'Let Her Go'. Let's have a listen, shall we?"_

 

 

_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_  
_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_  
_Only hate the road when you’re missin' home_  
_Only know you love her when you let her go_  
_And you let her go_. . .

 

 

Then it dawns on him. So maybe, this bloke knows what he's singing about. Zayn only let Louis go because he loves Louis and he is scared to admit it, even to himself. What if Zayn is regretting it? What if not that he has let Louis go, he has realised that he love Louis and that he never should have let him go?

He forces Harry to drop him off at Zayn's flat. Harry pouts at him and Louis has to fight the sad kitten look. Niall one the other hand, urges him to go get his man back (and shag his brains out because according to Niall, Louis' sexual frustration is so great that they can practically smell it).

"Zayn!" he yells, pounding on the door. "Open up right this instant or I swear to god that I'll break it down."

"That no use," someone says from find him. He turns around and sees a middle-aged woman. "An ambulance came by the other day to take him. It didn't look too good."

Fuck. "Thank you ma'am."

He hails a cab to the hospital and with some charm and subtle blackmailing, he learns which room Zayn is staying at.

Zayn looks so small and fragile like that, hooked up to a million different devices and with a breathing tube up his nostrils. The only signs of life are the steady beeps of the ECG and the condensation on the inside of his oxygen mask.

"Dammit Malik," he breathes out, taking a seat beside him. "Why can't you see that you were being stupid? I still love you, you idiot. I can't get rid of the empty feeling in my heart and it's all thanks to you. Dreams come so slow and they go so fast and you are that dream. I can't let you go now, you hear me?"

The ECG beeps grow manic and tears start to form in Louis' eyes.

"You're fucking with me. Fuck. Why?" He knows where the AED is kept so he gets them out. He charges them to a hundred and rips the gown away. The first few jolts do nothing but make Zayn flop on the bed. So he raises the voltage little by little. By the time the doctors arrive, he's at the maximum. Thankfully, they recognise him and don't say anything as they take over.

The next minute that goes by are a blur to Louis. First, the line goes flat for the briefest second and Louis remembers screaming. He screams that this can't be real and other things then he is floating, floating higher and higher until he can taste the clouds.

Then he comes crashing down to reality.

He wakes in a hospital bed and he grimaces at the heartbeat monitor attached to his own chest.

Turning to his left, and letting out a disgruntled moan, he sees that he is in the bed next to Zayn's.

"Don't ever do that to me again," Zayn smirks.

"Wha' hap'ned?" Louis asks. Then he remembers that he should be the one delivering that line.

"You passed out when you thought I was dead. Luckily for both of us, we both survived. Just a small fainting spell."

"I saw you flat-line. Scariest thing in the world," Louis whispers. "Thought I had to let you go."

"Now that," Zayn says, "is the stupidest bullshit I ever heard. Never gonna let you go, Lou."

"What changed your mind?"

"When I was like, dead for half a second, you know how your entire life is supposed to flash before your eyes? Well I saw your face, and how broken you looked. And then I hear your voice calling me back, threatening me, really. You were going to go after my comic book collection?"

Louis blushes. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, Zayn."

"Yeah I know. Love you, by the way."

Louis feels his heart swell. "Love you too."

 

 

-

 

 

Zayn is discharged from the hospital just in time for Louis to go back to school. He is on a strict diet and exercise plan and if there is the slightest symptom that emerges, he is to report to the hospital.

Louis has moved into Zayn's flat and some days, he swears the Hatchi loves him more than the pup loves Zayn. Zayn blames it on the bacon that he slips the dog every morning but Louis claims innocence.

He's just so happy that he never chose to let Zayn go. For him , that brief freedom had meant nothing but missing Zayn. Right now, right here in Zayn's bed is where he belongs and where he wants to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> I am such an asshole because my Wattpad readers don't know that this is a mini series . . . .


End file.
